(12) Being Human II

Lately I found out that Being Human is a British TV series released March 2009. I had no idea about it when I first wrote about Being Human me myself. Today I did a horrible mistake at work; I don't have the feeling of satisfaction towards work, life and people. My attitude became horrible. Actually I am more like a ticking time bomb that will explode at the face of the first person who talk to me. Now I really lost balance, I get angry and offended at small situations that come from really lovely people who mean no harm. I feel forgotten in life and eventually I had this horrible thought that "I don't deserve life". I am bad, treating people in bad manners, having horrible thoughts that are eating me from inside, most of the time I am regretting things I did and cry on them, I remember how bad I was with my mother, what horrible things I did to lovely people surrounding me and to myself. Feeling of guilt is eating me, and even this mistake at work ... I feel guilt towards this candidate who I didn't submit, she is excellent and living in CA and although she has great skill set she is willing to relocate from CA to TX, what a bad black days. Also I feel guilty towards this place who is giving me friendly and lovely and safe environment and though I hate it and feel it is a cage for me. I feel bad about myself, I feel guilty, I feel not worth living. Add to this I feel I am a loser and add to it some feeling of anger towards some people at work who really really really hurt me.

I can't live like this, and this is not God's plan for me, to live in the dark. I wonder, am I putting myself with my own free will in the dark cage, or is it the environment surrounding me the one putting me in this dark cage? Only one way to find out ... it is trying to get out of this cage and let's see what is happening. This is one week scale project, stick to the below rules for a week and let's see what will happen.

1-Pray – this is a MUST
2-Try not to say silly comments to people-BEHAVE
3-Try to listen more and talk less
4-Show care and affection towards people , mark it as a duty, make phone calls checking in on people, if someone is tired ask ... show care especially towards lovely people, angels ;-)
5-I believe that ROCK music is darkening my mood more, so, though I love it I will stay away from it for a week, and let's see if this gonna make a difference
6-On this note, also avoid all gothic stuff, like yahoo avatars, TV shows and accessories and even e-mails “Fonts and handwriting.
7-So, watch a lot of sitcom, try to wear colorful clothes, listen to soft music
8-Focus more on your work
9-When anyone, anywhere say something stupid or something you think it is offensive, mark it as a MUST … do NOT fight back, do not shout and do not try to make them understand you are angry.
10-When you are about to make anything stupid PLEASE count from 1 to 10
11- Whenever, wherever you find a group of people go and stand with them, do NOT isolate yourself. ENOUGH


Hope this works. See you after a week from now!